Pushing Buttons
by Resa Aureus
Summary: Sirius can't apologize for his life, but Remus can get even. Things get out of hand almost immediately. But maybe Sirius can help him get through the hard time before his full moon... Remus and Sirius at their best and worst. Slash. One-shot. Warnings inside.


A/N. I've said time and time again how much I love Wolfstar. So here's another one-shot of them. There is a story in the works for this particular couple (eep!) but for now, here's a little splash of slash for ya!

And yes…I shamelessly inserted myself into this story.

WARNING: Things get hot and heavy in here. Read at your own risk. I mean, nothing TOO explicit, I promise (I think I've stayed within the limits of the site) but lots of talk about gay sex. Don't like it? Go find another story.

…~oOo~…

Pushing Buttons

"Oi. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing at all," Remus said, raking a hand back through his hair and looking Sirius dead in the eye. The look was a warning. If Sirius asked him what was wrong with him one more time, Remus would not be responsible for his actions.

It was History of Magic, which just so happened to be the most boring class in the history of Hogwarts. The professor was lecturing about some kind of mini-war between sprites and pixies and about how it'd been that war that had them separated from one another on the list of creatures at the Ministry.

James was at the desk behind them, sharing it with Peter, his head down and snoring lightly. Peter was awake, but his head was propped up on his elbow while he doodled nonsensically on his parchment. Sirius was tipping his chair back on its hind legs and tickling James's nose with the feathery end of his quill, making his best mate squirm in his deep slumber.

All the while, Remus took notes diligently, all the while wishing for it to just be over. He was too keyed up to sleep like James and restlessly bored, and it was hard to contain that especially during that time of the month. He had two days until his full moon and he was on the edge of just exploding. And it had quite a lot to do with a certain fellow Gryffindor fluttering her eyelashes at him during every shared lesson.

Even now while he was trying to pay attention to the teacher and not punch Sirius in the gut, he felt her eyes on him. And he tried not to turn around, he really did, but he didn't have much control over his body right before the full moon. So he turned around.

She sat towards the back, sharing a desk with Alice White, and sat Indian-style in the chair, not caring at all that if someone looked under the table or looked at the right angle from a distance that they'd see her panties. And maybe she didn't so much flutter her eyelashes as openly leer. She smirked quite a lot as well. Her over all attitude and mannerisms reminded him of someone, but he couldn't pinpoint who.

"Moony, Theresa's staring at you again," Sirius said, not helping at all.

"I'm aware, Sirius," Remus answered, turning back to his parchment, feeling flushed in the face.

Sirius inched closer and poked Remus's nose with his quill, making Remus sneeze. "Why don't you ask her out, eh? You're a bloody Seventh Year and you still blush when girls pay attention to you."

Rolling his eyes, Remus ignored him. "I'm not blushing." _Just crazy horny and nowhere to put it all. _

"Oh, wait," Sirius said, seeing something in his friend's eyes. "It's almost…the day of the month, huh?" Sirius lowered his voice. "Mate, are you…randy? Is that why you look like you're about to lose it?"

"Shut up, Sirius," Remus said, shoving Sirius away, who'd progressively gotten closer.

"I've got it, haven't I?" Sirius said with real joy, like a child who has a secret. "Remus Lupin is horny! James, James, wake up! Remus is –"

And that's when Remus punched Sirius in the mouth to get him to shut it. It's also how he got detention.

When Sirius punched him back is when Sirius was also assigned attention.

…

"If you hadn't hit me –"

"If you'd only kept your mouth shut –"

"If you weren't such a –"

"Do I hear talking back there? Ho, ho, ho," Slughorn chuckled good-naturedly. "Keep it to a dull roar boys, if you please? This is supposed to be a punishment after all! So lucky that you both got landed here, eh? Much more interesting that writing lines, don't you think?" The man continued to hum and grade papers.

"Considering I'm elbows deep in cauldron scum, I'm having a hard time calling myself lucky," Sirius grumbled, shooting angry sideways glances at Remus. "Why do you look so damned content?"

"Because you deserved it," Remus whispered. "And this isn't nearly as bad as it could have been." He scrubbed determinedly at the inside of the cauldron. "Just shut up and scrub, alright? I want to get out of here as soon as possible!"

Sirius sucked at his swollen bottom lip petulantly. "You're a prat," Sirius said lowly. "Why would you react so badly to my just telling James that you've got the mating urges for Theresa?"

"Because I don't, first of all, and also the state of my libido is my business and mine alone!" Remus insisted, blowing a piece of hair that's fallen forward into his eyes out of the way. "You're always nosing where you don't belong, Sirius, and I snapped. For good reason. You know how I get around the full moon and you deliberately push my buttons."

Sirius frowned. "What do you want me to do, then?"

"Apologizing would be a nice place to start."

"But I didn't do anything wrong!"

Remus huffed and rolled his eyes, going back to the cleaning. "You always do this. You always claim it isn't your fault or you did nothing wrong. Well, this is the third time this has happened and I'm done."

"Third?" Sirius clarified. "I know the thing with Snape, but I did apologize for that…"

"To me, never to Snape."

"Whatever. But what's the second thing?"

Remus gave him a blunt look. After a moment, a look of understanding dawned on Sirius's face. "Oh, that. Last year. I was drunk!"

"Exactly! The excuses! When you should just apologize!"

Sirius scowled. "I was pissed, Remus. And, frankly, you looked like a girl before you cut your hair."

"Doesn't change the fact that you snogged me and just laughed it off and never said sorry!" Remus elbowed Sirius hard in the ribs.

"Ow!" Sirius said pointedly. "Don't be an arse! You made such a big deal out of something so stupid! Why should I have to apologize? No one got hurt!"

"It was embarrassing!" Remus forced his voice back down to a whisper. "It was the stupid Gryffindor victory party and everyone is the common room saw!"

"And you haven't been the same towards me since, yeah, I've noticed," Sirius snapped. "You're always brushing me off, reading when you're around me for an excuse not to talk to me, never sitting next to me in the Great Hall anymore. What's that about? It's not like I'm going to assault you again!"

"You don't get it," Remus growled. "Leave me alone, will you?"

"No! I thought we were mates!"

"I did too, until you crossed a line, Sirius!"

"IT'S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL!"

"You boys about done?" Slughorn asked popping up in front of them, giving them both a start.

"I am, professor," Remus said shortly, picking up his cloak and marching out. He'd practically jogged halfway down the corridor when Sirius caught up. Remus should have sped up his tread, but there was no use, they'd just end up going to the same place anyway and then there was no escaping him in the dorms.

"Listen, you great twat," Sirius said, blocking Remus's path. "You're so fucking hung up on one stupid mistake that I made and I –"

And then Sirius was cut off by a hard, angry kiss. When Remus ripped away, he wiped his mouth with his forearm and stared blankly at Sirius's dumbfounded expression.

"There," Remus said. "Now we're even." And he walked past Sirius, who was frozen as if he'd been petrified. It took him a few minutes for his brain to catch up, but it did.

"OI!" Sirius shouted, running up behind Remus again. "You can't just do that!"

"You're such a bloody hypocrite!" Remus yelled. And he's caught off guard when Sirius's mouth slams into his again. So hard that when their teeth smash, making that loud click, it's jarring. Sirius's hand is holding Remus's jaw as it happens and when he pulls away, his practically shoved Remus's jaw away too.

And something inside both of them began buzzing when their eyes met. It was hot in Remus's belly and chilly enough to give Sirius gooseflesh. But it was magnetic.

It was a long, drawn out pause between the two young men, spent with their eyes locked and their bodies shifting towards one another so slowly that neither realizes they're doing it. They're chest-to-chest when Remus's libido wins out and he seizes Sirius's shirt to drag him to one of the nearest secret passageways, just about throwing him through the hidden portrait hole.

In the pitch black of the passageway, even though neither of them could see their hands in front of their faces, they found each other with perfect ease and little stumbling. They kissed hard, grabbing at one another's clothing in a blind hunt for something, _anything_, because neither was sure what they themselves wanted. But in their primal conflict, nails were dragged across stomachs and clothes were wrinkled mercilessly with the clench and unclench of unsatisfied hands.

Sirius was whimpering like a lost puppy dog, because it was all so confusing and he couldn't stop and for some reason pulling Remus's hair and fisting chunks of his flesh wasn't enough. Remus growled, feeling it as he loses himself and desperately trying to hold onto his last pieces of humanity while still making his mark on Sirius with his teeth, over and over. At one point, he tasted blood.

"Off," Sirius snarled. "Your clothes. Off."

Remus was a little stunned at first. For a moment he'd thought Sirius was commanding him to get off him, but he was making a different request altogether. And for whatever reason, with his heart thudding like made, Remus obeyed. He started on his buttons, which was no good for Sirius, who just tore his Oxford shirt off him, the popping of buttons flying everywhere around them. Remus returned the favor and their hands were pulled by a force Remus could only call cosmic towards one another's bare skin.

"What…what are we… what are we doing…?" Remus asked roughly between the parts where their tongues ground into one another, along with their hips. Remus was harder than he'd ever been in his life, something that terrified and thrilled him, because he felt Sirius's cock aligned right up alongside his, their trousers and pants between them.

"I do believe this is what the cavemen called fucking," Sirius said, working furiously at Remus's belt, pulling hard at the leather, and jerking Remus's whole body with every yank. "We're not quite there, but if I could get your bloody belt off… Argh!"

Remus swatted Sirius's hands away and made fast work of the belt, and then went to Sirius's, which he also pulled off with ease. "Why though?" Remus panted, shoving Sirius's trousers down to his ankles. Sirius hopped awkwardly to get out of them and then dragged Remus's off as well.

"Who cares?" Sirius asked, his voice husky, deep, and incredibly needy. "You like this, right?"

"Yeah," Remus said fuzzily, feeling Sirius's mouth on his neck. "Yeah, I do."

"So do I," Sirius gasped when Remus's hand skimmed the front of his tented shorts. "Don't think. You…think too much."

And Remus's response was stolen from his mind once Sirius inserted his hand into Remus's underpants and grasping firmly but gently around his aching cock. And his head went completely numb for the next two hours while his body took over, because the call to touch and be touched by Sirius was stronger than the moon's.

…~oOo~…

"Pads! Padfoot, Moony never came back from detention," James's voice declared, his voice louder than all the motion beyond the curtains.

Remus blinked sleepily, wondering what the hell James was hollering about and wondering why the hell his mattress felt so fleshy. And then his questions were answered by the low growl and shouted answer – from right next to his ear – "Sod off, Prongs!"

"Did you two get in another row?" James shouted back. When Remus opened his eyes, he saw the shape of James in the dormitory getting dressed. "I swear, you two put my mum and dad to shame sometimes with all the quarrelling."

"I told you to sod off!" Sirius said it more forceful this time, a voice that left no room for argument. The man himself, Sirius was shifting lazily under the comforters, sighing deeply and running a hand up and down Remus's spine lightly. It tickled and he felt, rather than heard, Sirius's hum of contentment.

Remus couldn't believe Sirius was acting so calm. Because he himself was sort of freaking out. A large part of him, though, was exceedingly comfortable, being naked and pressed against another human body and under a thick duvet. The Scottish castle was freezing and drafty in the winter, and Remus was toasty and warm for the first time in weeks.

"Hurry and get up, mate!" James exclaimed. "It's a Hogsmeade weekend, you wanker! I've got to meet Lily, but I'll see you at breakfast! I've had a dream and it gave me this genius idea for a prank on Snivellus and it definitely calls for a stop at the joke shop!" His voice was followed by the slam of the dormitory door.

Remus listened and there was no other sound, which meant Peter wasn't there. If Peter wasn't snoring like a freight train, he was awake, and when he was awake he was always fumbling and bumbling and breaking things. He liked to take his showers early on Saturdays because it meant everyone else was sleeping in.

Unable to fight the urge, Remus stretched and then found the strength to prop himself up on his elbows. He'd slept completely on top of Sirius, their legs still pressed together, Remus's face level with his chest. As they were about the same height, and Remus was shifted down a bit, this meant Sirius's more intimate bits were more up against Remus's stomach.

"Don't move too much, you'll let in the cold," Sirius complained, pulling the duvet closer around them. Then he pushed his hair back from his face and looked Remus in the eyes. "'Ello."

"Hi," was Remus's reply.

"So…feeling better?" Sirius asked, perfectly casual. "Less cranky and emotional?"

"I do, actually," Remus said slowly, self-conscious of his morning breath and trying not to open his mouth too much. He scratched his scarred nose.

Nodding, Sirius said, "Moony needed to get laid."

And Remus snorted, he couldn't help it. He shook his head, laughing in quiet humor. Sirius smiled too, his signature thousand-watt smile, broad and shining. All perfect white teeth on display.

"What now?" Remus asked.

"Well, whenever you need to release that tension," Sirius said with a shrug, putting his hands behind his head and lying back, "I'm your man. Whenever the full moon comes 'round, you always get this massive wand up your arse, and as my experiment has concluded, this can be solved by putting _your wand_ up mine." He winked lewdly and chuckled at his own off-color joke.

"Must you?" Remus said, his nose wrinkling slightly as he flipped onto his back, to sit up beside Sirius. "Sirius, you're not queer."

"I'm not."

"And I'm not queer."

"No, I don't suppose you are."

"Then…what the hell are either of us supposed to get out of this?" Remus asked. _And why does it feel so good?_

"Sex is all chemistry, Moons," Sirius said simply. "You push anyone's buttons the right way, it's going to feel good. It doesn't matter who's doing the pushing, only that they're doing the pushing well. Don't overthink. You think too much. Let's just shag like maniacs every month."

What Sirius said brought Remus right back to the night before, in the passageway. How brilliant it all felt. But also… "Do you remember how we got back in the rooms?" Remus asked.

Sirius's brow furrowed. "Not entirely." He shrugged, unconcerned. Then he swung himself over top of Remus, straddling his friend with a smirk. He bent down, his longish black hair falling around them both when he kissed Remus deeply and roughly. They both tasted like morning but neither cared.

"Pads, I'm boneless," Remus said, feeling exhausted in the best way.

"And I'm sore as fuck," Sirius said, biting Remus's lip hard. "But I don't care." He slid his way down Remus's body until his head disappeared under the covers.

Remus would have to remember to ask Sirius about how he got to be so good at that.

…

It was in Hogsmeade that day that James confronted Remus. "Where the hell were you last night?"

"Er…I…" Remus said, feeling his face get hot. He was a notoriously awful liar. He swallowed hard and scratched the back of his right hand nervously. "See, what happened was…"

"I think I know," James declared, almost accusingly.

Remus's eyes popped open wide. "You do?"

James nodded and then smiled and gave Remus a hardy punch to the shoulder. "You dog. Finally follow through on all the come-hither looks Theresa's been giving you?"

"Er…well…" Remus stuttered, not sure how to correct his assumption. "I mean, not really…"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I'm sure Theresa will have told the entire school before lunch anyway." James laughed and slapped Remus on the back in that way that blokes did. Remus just chuckled nervously and made a beeline for the book store. He left James to pamper Lily and Peter to do whatever Peter did. He was sure Sirius was at the Quidditch shop, so Remus stole a few moments alone to pull together his thoughts.

What was going on? He asked himself this many a time in only the few hours since he'd woken up. He still wasn't sure how it all happened. One second, he and Sirius had been fighting and the next they were going at each other like animals. And yes, he was very sore and the places where Sirius's nails had pierced his arse cheeks hurt like a bitch every time he took a step and his shorts chafed against them, not to mention when he sat down. He had a love bite the size of Jupiter on his neck that he was keeping covered with his Gryffindor scarf. He kept adjusting the scarf almost obsessively to make sure it didn't show.

He had sneaked into the section he'd been looking for, about werewolf's mating patterns, when he heard the sliding of a book from the other side of the bookshelf and a familiar voice ask, "Are you alright?"

Remus jumped almost a foot in the air, shoving his own book back into place. When he looked through the hole created in the shelf, he saw a roundish, freckled face with light auburn hair and brown eyes. The face was smiling sincerely.

"Oh, hell, Theresa," Remus said on a sigh, his heart still pounding.

"Sorry if I frightened you," she said, still grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "I'm not stalking you, I swear, I just saw you come in and thought I'd play a little prank. Hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all," he said dismissively. "How have you been?"

"Fine, I suppose," she said. "Mind if I join you on the other side? Talking through a hole in a shelf if a little difficult."

"Of course."

Theresa walked around, popping up right beside him. Her short hair had headband pushing the bangs from her eyes, fingerless gloves, and she wore a greatcoat with an ankle-length skirt made of flowy, multicolored material. It was the kind of skirt that made him think of hippies. She really was an adorable girl with a big smile and, on top of that, she was always easy to talk to and played a mean game of Quidditch. She was a beast on the pitch and quite the firecracker off of it.

It was a shame that Remus didn't have the courage to ask her out before Sirius and him made the beast with two backs, because now that they had, he found that he didn't feel another apart from platonic feelings towards the girl.

"So, what's got you all worked up?" Theresa asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the books.

"Nothing at all, why do you ask?"

"You've been in your own little world since you walked in here, you've been muttering to yourself like a crazy person, and you keep fiddling with your scarf every other second," she listed with a shrug. "Seems to me like something's wrong."

"Er…well… Nothing wrong really. It's just been a weird week," Remus said. Which was an understatement.

She nodded in understanding. Then she stood up and leaned towards Remus with a familiarity and disregard for personal space that she showed to everyone – really, she was the most not-awkward person in the school and did not believe in boundaries – and said, "Is that a hickey?" And she chuckled.

Remus's hand slapped over the spot and cursed himself. He knew he should have put a plaster over it or maybe put a glamour, but he didn't think it was going to be necessary.

"Aw, well," Theresa said breezily, unburdened. "I'm too late! Always seem to be. I hope your special someone takes good care of you." She winked and she was walking away, whistling to herself as she left.

And it was then that it had hit him. He knew exactly who she reminded him of. "Sirius!" she hissed to himself in revelation.

"You summoned?"

And Remus had a small heart attack for the second time within a twenty-minute period. He spun around to find Sirius loping towards him.

"I'm actually stalking you," Sirius confessed shamelessly. "And eavesdropping. Your girlfriend broke up with you, eh?"

Remus gave Sirius a look and decided the book store was an unsuccessful venture. He walked back towards the door and listened to the little bell as he and Sirius walked out. They walked side by side in companionable silence and Remus was willing it to not be awkward. So far it was working. Until, of course, James showed up, holding hands with Lily and being all gross and couple-ish.

"How do you guys feel about lunch?" James said, an arm around Lily's shoulders. Lily's red hair was down, the auburn waves rustling with the wind. Her nose was pink from the cold, but she was beaming, leaning into her boyfriend adoringly. Remus definitely understood why James fell for her so easily – she was gorgeous.

But even so Remus never really felt like that towards Lily, even though he thought she was basically a siren from the moment they met. It was a detached admiration. The same way he thought Theresa was cute but had no clue what to do with that or even if he wanted to do anything about it. Maybe he was just lazy.

"Lunch sound fantastic," Sirius said, too-loud. He was always too loud. "And maybe a pint or three! Three Broomsticks, here we come!"

"Where's Peter?" Remus asked, following alongside Sirius and the happy couple.

"He snoozes, he loses, as they say," Sirius declared, rubbing his bare hands together as they trudged through the Hogsmeade snow towards the pub. The idiot refused to wear mittens then had the nerve to complain about it. "I'm starving and freezing and I'm not waiting around for anybody."

A few minutes later, they walked into the warmth of the pub and all let out sighs of relief and shivered as the cold slowly melted away. It was a great feeling. They made their way towards a table in the corner. They usually sat in the corner because Sirius could be as loud as he wanted there without bothering too many of the other customers.

"I'll go get us a round," James said with his big smile, kissing Lily on the cheek before jogging towards the bar.

Sirius was breathing on his still-frozen hands.

"You're an idiot," Remus said.

"Well, that's uncalled for," Sirius said, smirking.

"Doesn't make it less true," Remus said, slipping off his own mittens and throwing them at Sirius who sat next to him. Sirius glared at the mittens before succumbing and slipping them on and rubbing his palms together.

"So I hear you two have been quarreling," Lily said, always the concerned mother-type. "Is everything okay now?"

"I haven't killed him yet, so sure," Remus said, looking around at all the colors and people and the smells and sounds. His full moon was that night and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Like you could find it in you to kill me," Sirius said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms so that his hands – and Remus's mittens – were under his armpits. "I'm too damn cute too kill. See?" He did a dramatic puppy pout, his grey-black eyes wide and pleading.

"Quit it, before I smack that look off your face," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

Then Sirius really pouted. "You're all mean to me. Even St. Lily."

"It's because you usually deserve it," James chimed in, coming by and expertly carrying four pints. He set them down one by one, the foam sloshing over the side once or twice.

Sirius took his with fervor, licking up the foam dripping down the sides and slurping loudly. Nose wrinkled as he watched, Remus took his own, careful not to have it spill while Sirius gulped and gurgled, the sounds acute to really sloppy snogging. Which kind of disgusted Remus and the thought sprung up into his mind: _I had sex with that_. And for some reason, that thought made him get really warm…everywhere.

"You alright, mate?" James asked.

"Huh?" Remus said, bewildered as to why his body was reacting so weirdly to Sirius's messy drinking habits.

"You're sort of red in the face," James said, head cocked to the side curiously. "Too hot in here?"

"A little," Remus said, clearing his throat and adjusting his scarf and coat collar.

"Take a layer off then, will you?" Lily said with a chuckle, her hands curled around her butterbeer, looking positively content.

"Yeah, take a layer off," Sirius said with deliberate lewdness.

Narrowing his eyes at Sirius, Remus unwrapped the scarf from around his neck and shook out of his coat, pushing it all behind him. He was left in his chunky knit jumper and trousers. He reached for his pint and had it halfway to his mouth before he gave a sharp jump and splashed the table with his drink.

A familiar hand – Sirius's obviously – trailed up the inside of his thigh right to his very sensitive, very personal parts.

"Are you sure you're okay, Remus?" Lily asked, concerned.

"Mhmm," Remus said, swallowing. "Yeah, j-just great. If you'll just…excuse me." And with that he scurried towards the loo very quickly, extremely flushed in the face, and feeling very on edge and horny.

That fucking full moon was going to kill him. If Sirius didn't first.

He was splashing his face with water when Sirius came in behind him.

"What are you thinking?" Remus demanded, spitting water away from his lips. He gave Sirius his best angry look.

Leaning casually and shamelessly against the filthy wall, Sirius said, "You need to relax, for Merlin's sake. Your antics are going to be what gives us away."

"My antics wouldn't be a problem if you weren't groping me under the table!" Remus hissed, looking under the stalls for feet. There were none. The loo was empty except for them.

"I'm trying to loosen you up," Sirius said, completely at ease.

"Well, it's not helping," Remus said, dragging a hand down his face and sliding around to the back of his neck. "This was stupid. So stupid. What made us think we could carry on like we always did?"

"You're the only one with a problem, here," Sirius, said shrugging. "I'm only teasing. I'm not uncomfortable, and I'm the one who can't sit down without wanting to kill myself." He smirked.

Rolling his eyes, Remus leaned back against the sink, shaking his head. "I'm the worst liar in the entire universe, Padfoot. I can't keep secrets for my life."

"I know," Sirius said. "Your body betrays you. Your eyes, too." And he stood up and walked slowly to Remus.

Remus recognized the look in his eyes, a look that made Remus's mouth dry and pants tight. He swallowed. "Sirius, we're in the loo."

"And we have it all to ourselves," Sirius said lowly, getting very close and pressing his own hips into Remus's.

Oh, God, Remus thought, his palms getting sweaty. How did Sirius do this? How did he do this with such calm? How did he made Remus hot with just a look?

_Christ,_ Remus thought with real fear, _maybe I am queer._

Well, queer or not, what Sirius was doing to him felt really good. And once again he found himself questioning how experienced Sirius was.

"Sirius?" Remus said between thorough, mind-numbing kisses.

"Mmm?" Sirius hummed while he dropped Remus's drawers.

"Do you…do this…often?"

Sirius chuckled deeply, a sound that vibrated through both of them and made Remus shiver. "Snog blokes in the men's room of pubs? No, can't say I do."

"Oh, because…you know…I was wondering…you don't seem really… ah! …worried…"

"That's because, Remus, I am very in tune with my body and when I want something, I don't question it or overthink it," Sirius said in Remus's ear before nibbling it.

"And you're…good at it…" Remus gasped at Sirius's hand curling around his most precious part of his body. Thank God his hands had warmed up, Remus thought faintly.

"Well, thanks," Sirius said, grinning roguishly. "You're not bad yourself. The advantage…mmm, yes, just like that, Moony…to doing this with another bloke is that he knows what he likes on himself and can repay in kind."

Remus and Sirius were leaning heavily on one another, both of their pants down, and touching each other with familiarity and intimacy as their heavy breathing filled the bathroom.

"We have to make this quick," Remus panted. "James and Lily will…be suspicious."

Sirius shook his head. "They're doing something…similar…behind the pub, I believe."

Remus bit down on Sirius's jaw, pulling a groan from the darker-haired man's chest. "That's it, Moony…just let go. You don't have to be in control of yourself all the time. That's what this is about."

And so Remus did. He let go. He let go in the pub lavatory, he let go again in the broom shed by the Quidditch pitch when they got back to the castle, and once more before his transformation in a secret passageway.

And when his transformation came, he was less stressed, less tense, and it went along a lot smoother than usual. The agony was still unbelievable, but not entirely unbearable.

…~oOo~…

Lying in the infirmary for his customary hour before breakfast, Remus stared at the ceiling while Madame Pomfrey checked his vitals and such.

"Not too many scrapes and scratches this time," she said, sounding slightly impressed. "Not bad. How do you feel?"

Remus sighed, his eyes never leaving the ceiling. "Confused."

"Most teenage boys are," Madame Pomfrey said, dryly amused. "I meant how do you feel physically?"

"Fine, actually," Remus admitted. "Sore, sure. Really tired and run-down, but…not too much pain. And I can walk without falling over, I think. Little tremors, but not as shaky s usual."

"I'd call this transformation your best in the seven years I've known you, Mr. Lupin," Pomfrey said with a rare smile. "And it has been sixty-four full moons since I first met you."

"Wow," Remus said, eyes wide. "You've counted?"

She chuckled. "I just got around to throwing out a bunch of my old calendars and thought to count the school months. Just a silly little nostalgic moment, on my part. And in six months, you'll be leaving me." She shook her head and gathered the extra bandages.

"Madame Pomfrey…are you…upset?" Remus asked, disconcerted.

"No, no," she said, brushing it away with a flutter of her hand, though she did swipe her eye. "Not at all. To have you Marauders out of my hair once and for all will be a blessing! Now, off with you. I've got other patients to see to, Mr. Lupin." And she scuttled away, her robes swishing behind her.

Swinging out of the cot and finding the spare set of clothes he kept in the infirmary, he slipped out of the patient gown and into the trousers and grey t-shirt. Shoving his hair back from his face with both his hands, he took a deep breath and walked out of the infirmary, trying to puzzle out exactly how he was supposed to face the day.

He made his way to breakfast sluggishly. Seeing Sirius was bound to be awkward, because that's just how Remus was. And he was facing a new dilemma. Now that the full moon was over, what were they supposed to do? Go back to normal until next month when Remus got uncontrollably randy and Sirius got turned on by that? Or was this going to be a regular thing?

His head hurt with all the thinking so early and so new after a full moon. He just wanted to get a slice of toast, maybe a piece of ham, and go curl up in his bed for the rest of the day so he could be well enough to go to class on Monday.

"Look whose back!" James exclaimed when he saw Remus walking to their regular table in the Great Hall. They were all stuffing their faces because they were disgusting teenage boys and that's what they did.

"'Ey! Moony!" Sirius called, equally bright and boyish.

Peter said something that was muffled by the amount of potatoes and bacon in his mouth, but his broad smile was appreciated.

Remus envied them. Even though they'd been out all night as animals with him, they didn't need any recovery time. They didn't feel like they'd been trampled by a Thestral. Only he did. But he still managed a smile for his friends.

"I'm just grabbing some toast and heading back upstairs," Remus said.

"Awww," Peter said, frowning.

"Yeah, that's too bad, Moony," Sirius said. "You go get some rest, though. We'll see you later on."

"Sweet dreams," James said dramatically, blowing him a sarcastic kiss.

Smirking and waving them off, Remus walked back up to his rooms.

That evening, he and Sirius exchanged nothing except the usual taunts and banter, laughs and jokes. There'd been no clothes-grabbing or torrid shagging in dark corners. And when Remus went to bed, Sirius didn't crawl into his bed and Remus didn't crawl into Sirius's. It was as if nothing was different for a whole month.

…~oOo~…

"Are you lost?"

Remus blinked, coming back to the present. "Oh, Theresa. Hey."

"Hi," she said, arching an eyebrow. "Did you hear me? I asked if you were lost."

"I'm not…why do you ask?"

Theresa looked around at the people passing in the corridor. "Because you've been staring at that same statue like you don't recognize it for a solid three minutes now and it's starting to freak the ghosts out. You alright?"

"Fine," Remus said, blinking away the weird twilight zone he'd fallen into. "Great, actually. Feel like I could run a marathon."

"Okay, then," Theresa said, still suspicious. "So what happened to the love bites?"

Remus had almost completely forgotten about his and Theresa's conversation in the bookstore the month before. "Oh, um, gone I guess."

"That's a shame," she said. "At least someone was getting laid in this Merlin-forsaken castle." She grinned and nudged Remus in a friendly manner. "What happened? Go on, tell Auntie Theresa all about it." She hooked her arm through his and began leading him in the direction of their next class.

"It's nothing, really," Remus said, feeling more nervous than usual.

"I promise, I won't get all weird on you again," Theresa said, bumping him gently. "I just want to help a fellow Gryffindor. Plus all of my friends flew the coop. Something about being nosy, I don't know, I wasn't paying much attention." She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Girls, right?"

Remus couldn't help but crack a grin. She was certainly an odd one. "Sorry about your friends."

"No big deal," she said with a carefree shrug. "Don't need them. Stop changing the subject."

"So there's this…girl," Remus said slowly, testing out the lie. He was so bad at this.

"I know," Theresa said matter-of-factly. "I saw the galaxy-sized hickey, remember? Go on."

"And well, er, I think she only is interested…sometimes."

Theresa arched an eyebrow. "Sometimes? What do you mean?"

"It's like an arrangement. When I'm…tense…we…"

"So, you're shagging buddies is that you're saying?" Theresa said. "Friends with benefits? No strings attached?"

"I guess."

"And you want more, I'm guessing?" Theresa said. "You want a real relationship?"

"That's just the thing, I don't know. I mean, I like things the way they are, but I never know where things stand with hiiiiiiHER." He caught himself halfway through the "him".

"Have you tried talking about it?" Theresa said. "They say lack of communication is the number one reason why most relationships go sideways."

Remus sighed. "I don't know. She's more of a physical being than the type to talk it out."

Theresa stopped walking, jerking Remus to halt with her. Her eyebrows rose to her hairline and she had a look of pure epiphany.

"My God," she whispered. "Remus…are you gay?"

Remus almost gave himself whiplash and had a heart-attack at the same time. "_What_?"

"It all makes sense! Why it's secret, why you're so nervous, why this supposed 'girl' is more interested in sex, why communication is so difficult! I knew it didn't make sense when you said she wasn't the type to talk it out," she rambled, "because all girls, everywhere, _love_ to talk it out."

"Theresa –"

"Oh my goodness, Remus, this is really big, I'm so glad you have the courage to share it with me – although, you didn't really share it with me at all, I figured it out – and don't lie to me, I can see the panic like a bunny in an open field with a mountain lion in your eyes, and no, don't run! We've got so much to talk about!" She held tight to Remus's wrist as he tried running away, making it so she was half-dragged half-jogging to keep up behind him.

"You know my brother is bent," Theresa went on, totally enthusiastic, and just not shutting up. Her voice was low enough, something he was grateful for. "At least, he was bent with our neighborhood friend, Simon – which is sort of a queer name, once you think about it, you know? – and my aunt caught him in the shed out back and oh, she was not happy! But I was, because they were cute together, until my idiot brother dumped Simon to go out with that slag Cindy! But I think him and Simon are taking up again because –"

Remus covered Theresa's mouth with his hand. The incessant chatter was becoming too much for him. He took a deep breath and looked Theresa in the eyes with no lack of desperation. "Theresa, I am not bent. We don't ever have to talk about this ever again, okay? I know you're Muggle-born and it might be a little more normal in the Muggle world, but here in the wizarding world, it is absolutely not okay. Do you understand?" He slowly took away his hand.

Theresa sighed and gave him a look of sympathy, but also support. "It's not that accepted in the Muggle world, either, but… love is so special, you know? So rare. It'd be a shame to throw it away just because some stupid group of people decided it was weird."

"That group of people is called all of society, Theresa."

"Fuck them," she said fiercely. "No one knows this, but myy parents were flower children."

"Huh?"

"Flower children," Theresa said. "In the states? Hippies. They all lived together, did peaceful protests, and smoked tons of pot. And everyone thought they were bonkers! But all they wanted to do was love."

"I'm confused," Remus said, blinking. "If your parents are from the states…?"

Theresa laughed and it sounded different. She looked up at Remus and said in a completely different voice, "The accent is fake. My parents ditched the states when I was four because my uncle came here to avoid being drafted during Vietnam. It's a weird story and not entirely legal." She shook her head. "The point is that my mom and dad were really weird. Society knew this and hated them for it. But that didn't stop them. My brother and I wouldn't be here if they hadn't – I mean, sure, we're not completely sure who my biological father is, but hey, it makes day to day life interesting."

She looked him right in the eyes, seriously. "Take a chance, will you? Forget society. It's none of their business who you love. If you get rid of all the preconceived notions of what's wrong and what's right, you'll be exposed to an entirely new world. A happier one. One where you can be with who you want."

Remus stared at Theresa for a stretch. "I'm not sure if I believe that whole story, but… thank you. I needed to hear that."

"Keep my secret and I'll keep yours?" she said, slipping back into her perfect English accent.

He laughed, shaking his head. "No one would believe me if I told them."

"Probably not," she chuckled as they walked into History of Magic together.

…

"Sirius?"

Sirius made a sound of acknowledgment, not even looking up. He flipped the page in his Quidditch magazine.

This was the perfect moment to talk. James was out doing rounds as Head Boy – also known as shagging Lily – and Peter was dead asleep, his snores filling the room every few minutes. Remus was reading and Sirius was looking at pictures of Quidditch gear, but he wasn't going to find a better moment to talk.

"I wanted to talk," Remus said hesitantly.

"About?" Sirius asked, still not meeting Remus's gaze.

Remus frowned. This was rude, even for Sirius. Something was off about Sirius himself, too, Remus just couldn't figure out what. But he just trudged on. "About last month…"

Sirius put down his magazine and said, "Remus, if you wanted to shag, all you had to do was ask."

Before Remus knew it, he was being pinning into his mattress, being kissed too hard and too mechanically. Something was definitely wrong, Remus could feel it in the rigidness of Sirius's shoulders and the flatness of his eyes. After a moment, Remus pushed Sirius away at arm-length and looked him in the eyes.

"What's happening?" Remus asked, looking right in Sirius's unusually cold eyes.

"I thought we were fucking," Sirius said, and for some reason that made Remus flinch.

"No… Something is wrong," Remus said, brow furrowing.

"I'm just kind of shocked," Sirius said curtly, sitting back on his haunches. "I thought you were having your needs taken care of by a certain admirer of yours, one I saw you being all cutesy with today in the corridor, but you're interested tonight? Won't your girlfriend get jealous?" he snapped, pushing himself off of Remus and throwing himself back down onto his own bed, then pitching his magazine into a wall in frustration.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Remus demanded, bewildered.

"I saw you walking with Theresa today," Sirius said shortly.

"Yeah…so?"

"She was touching you an awful lot for someone that you said you had no interest in."

"Ugh!" Remus huffed. "You know Theresa, she has no sense of boundaries! We were just talking!"

"Whatever," Sirius grumbled, looking up at the words he'd carved into the ceiling over the years. "I don't fucking care, okay?"

"For someone who claims to not care, you're pretty hung up on this," Remus said, standing up. "What's your problem? We're just _using_ each other, aren't we?" Sirius flinched. Remus had said it cruelly, just as he meant to. He was getting increasingly angry. "Isn't this supposed to happen at boarding school with lonely boys? Tell me, Sirius, isn't this just supposed to be a bit of fun? Because right now, _I'm not having fun_."

"It was just a big mistake!" Sirius shouted, wrenching upward again. He stood up and said, "It was stupid! As always, everything that feels good at the time ends up being a horrible, horrible mistake in the end." He kicked his bed, making it creak, and raked his hands back through his hair. "We just need to forget about it!"

"How am I supposed to do that?" Remus yelled back. "Why did you make the offer, Sirius, if you wanted to forget about it?"

"Because for some reason being used a few days each month, the only time you could ever lose yourself enough to, didn't seem like such a bad idea! It was a rush! A new high, a spike of adrenaline! It was like riding a fucking motorcycle towards a cliff and I loved it! But once it was over, I realized that no all I was doing was abusing that fragile wall between you and the beast to get what I wanted and guess what – I FELT BAD. And then when I saw you today with Theresa, I didn't feel bad anymore – I WAS FURIOUS."

Remus had not been expecting that. He stared at the huffing, puffing Sirius for a long time.

"Sirius…"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it." Sirius was looking at his feet.

"I never meant to –"

"I said shut up, Remus."

Remus did. He swallowed and took a step towards Sirius and slowly reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"More than anything, I'm angry with myself," Sirius mumbled.

"I'm angry with myself too," Remus told him.

"It wasn't fair to either of us."

"No, it wasn't." Remus paused. "Are you disgusted?"

Sirius snorted with half-hearted amusement. "As if. It was phenomenal while it lasted. Even if it was painful as fuck."

Remus nodded. It had taken them both a few weeks to recover physically from their marathon of biting, scratching, and hair pulling.

Sirius finally looked up and their eyes met. Remus found the courage to say, "I've missed you."

"Yeah," Sirius said, nodding. The "me too" was unspoken, but there in his eyes.

"There's nothing between Theresa and me," Remus told him, putting as much sincerity into his words as possible. "We were just talking. She helped me figure some stuff out."

Sirius sighed. "I realize that now. I was just angry. Resentful." His expression changed from exhausted to contemplative slowly. "I'm not bent," he said firmly. "Because tits are fantastic."

"I strongly second that notion," Remus said.

"I'm just…bent for you," Sirius grumbled. "I think, anyway. It's been a whole month, after all, so all bets are off." He cracked a smile for a moment and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No one will be okay with this, you know."

"An American with a fake accent, a deserter uncle, bisexual brother, and stoner parents, who she's not sure are actually her parents, said something very wise. 'Everyone thought they were bonkers, but all they wanted to do was love'."

Sirius looked at Remus like he was insane. "What the fuck?"

"I'm not kidding. She really said that."

"American with a…? What have you been smoking?"

"It's all completely true."

"Yeah, right." Rolling his eyes, Sirius gave Remus a playful shove. "Shut up."

"Okay." And Remus kissed him. It was a different kiss than any they'd shared. There was no clashing of tongue or teeth or biting or blood. Remus took Sirius's upper-lip between his and closed his eyes as he kissed him back. It made Remus shiver, a current that went right through him and then through Sirius.

When the kiss ended, the boys both looked each other in the eyes. Sirius just smiled lopsidedly and said, "You're sort of beautiful."

"So are you," Remus said, because it was true.

Sirius kissed Remus again, and at the end of it, murmured against his lips, "I could get used to this."

They both did.

The End

…~oOo~…

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~


End file.
